Grace and Making Good Trouble

Trans Americans Face the Future

Seth Moulton, Tom Suozzi, Gavin Newsom (and here) and now Pete Buttigieg!

Leading Democratic politicians appear to be lining up to edge away from full-throated support for the rights of trans Americans.

As a trans person, I am deeply saddened, left with the feeling that some Democratic politicians appear to have decided that throwing trans people under the bus is the way to victory.

There is a political reality here, one I detest, but one that is very real. We – the trans community - are deeply on the defensive. We are losing, left and right. This reality has to be acknowledged. It is not the fault of the trans movement or its supporters. It is because a serious, well-funded, multi-year, MAGA-related effort to make this social issue into a political crusade manipulating people’s fears has succeeded beyond its wildest dreams.

The Trump regime is using authoritarian means to eradicate mention of trans (along with DEI) from all federal operations, university policies, federal contracting, and federal funding, virtually anything the executive branch touches.

At the state level, anti-trans legislation is growing exponentially. Bills that deny bathroom access, sports access, medical care (hormones, surgery), reading materials, and more are doing their best to shove trans people into darkness.

Businesses, universities, law firms are stepping away from trans-related rights and cases. The media is tucking its collective tail and scurrying away from trans rights issues. The New York Times appears to have decided to unload on trans movements. Witness a recent lengthy piece by gay writer Andrew Sullivan seeking to split gay and lesbian communities from the trans community. And a Times magazine piece by Nicholas Confessore blaming the trans movement and the ACLU for betting on the Supreme Court and losing in United States v. Skrmetti, a devastating setback for trans medical care.

And the Democratic Party is now gradually starting to bury support for trans Americans.

I do not intend to re-litigate these issues or trans defense strategy. I support the defense of who I and roughly 1.6 million other Americans are. Many trans support groups are doing just fine arguing for trans rights. See the Alliance for Trans Equality, the Human Rights Campaign, or the ACLU, for just three fantastic support organizations.

But I am worried, scared, even, that the tidal wave of opposition and official policy is going to push us back, is already doing so. And I am equally concerned that as we are forced to retreat, we will do what I have seen too often in progressive America: turn into a circular firing squad, prepared to shoot at each other, demand the moon, and stomp on anyone who disagrees.

I saw this purist tendency when Rep. Sarah McBride (D-DE) decided to become a legislator who is trans, rather than rise to the bait offered by Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC), who introduced the rule that would exclude McBride from bathrooms in the Capitol complex. McBride was immediately attacked by some in the trans community for not fighting back.

I wanted her to fight back, too. Stand up for us. After all, she is the first openly trans person ever elected to the House. And if we give the Nancy Mace’s of the world an inch they will surely take miles.

But I am not going to attack Rep. McBride. She is sturdily, openly, unashamedly trans; represents the community of which I am a part. She is bright, extremely articulate, politically savvy and experienced. She understands the need to walk (a trans road) and chew gum (legislate effectively for the people of Delaware) at the same time. We need her; she is one of us.

She demonstrated this strategic savvy in a lengthy interview with Ezra Klein in June, which I strongly recommend to your viewing. I don’t agree with every word she said (see below), but I do with most of it. More important, she is, and knows she is, one with the trans community. Her very being is the only necessary testimony.

She made a few comments worth thinking about, seriously. My thinking about them starts here. What is our goal? To live our lives in freedom as best we can. To be seen and safe. Not to have government, any government, tell us what to do and how to live. We want to be seen as people; to be part of American life.

The American public is not quite ready for that. We have a long road and a tough job to help make it ready. To me, that means, engaging where people are, not demanding that they be where we are, or else.

It means engaging people with what Rep. McBride calls “grace.” Telling truth mindfully to the curious. Some of my most interesting conversations about trans-ness have been with people who simply do not understand and want to know more.

We need to be better at telling stories about this fascinating phenomenon of people who identify with a different gender, or who do not identify with a specific gender at all. As Rep. McBride says in the podcast, it is harder for non-trans people to “get it,” because they are not trans. It is not like getting gay/lesbian, because most everyone has some sense or experience of love and desire.

Trans is not about love; it is about identity. It is about an inner longing for wholeness. That is part of the story we need to get better at telling.

What Rep. McBride left out of the conversation (though given her history, she surely knows this) is that progress depends not only on strong political support, but also on truth-telling and organizing.

This has been true throughout American history. What LBJ did for civil rights grew out of organizing and protest that wasn’t polite. It was what the late Rep. John Lewis called making “good trouble.”

The trans community is small but knows how to make good trouble. And, pace Andrew Sullivan, that trouble is stronger with ally-ship, not divorce, from other social and economic movements, like the LGB part. Let us reject the call for division.

Understand me. I want open bathrooms, trans girls and boys in sports across the board, medical support. I want decisions that belong to parents, families and medical professionals to be made by those people and not by state legislatures and politicians in Washington. I want government to do the right things governments should do – like protecting the civil rights of all Americans. All this will take legislating and demonstrating.

The Democratic Party will make a deep mistake to turn on the trans community. In fairness to Newsom, Moulton, and Buttigieg, they, too, have called for family decisions on medical care and private sector decisions on sports eligibility.

More broadly, supporting trans Americans is part of supporting democratic government in general. It is part of supporting housing access, affordability, child care, and jobs for all Americans.

We have a long road to go and we are back on our heels. Let’s not shoot each other. I urge us to make the circle of support larger, telling good stories, and making good trouble.